Friday, January 21, 2011

{two thousand and lovin'}

Even though it has officially been 2011 for over a few weeks, it is just now starting to feeling like the new year for me. Celebrating the holidays back in Fort Wayne sort of delays the feeling of a fresh start: it seems to kick in once we are settled back in to things here in Chicago.

I don't know if I have ever been more ready for a year to be over.  What a crazy year. This was, in some ways, the best year of my life. I mean, I had a baby. An actual baby. How crazy is that? I gave life to another human being this year. That blows my mind. We moved into an awesome apartment.  I started writing again. J finished his poetry collection. Good things.

But this year has also, in many ways, been the worst year of my life. Discouraging doctors appointments. Scary hospital stays. Surgeries, seizures, hours of physical therapy. I spent a lot of time worrying this year. A lot of time afraid, uncertain.

I also had to sing a Miley Cyrus song, while eight months pregnant and unable to breathe, with Joel Houston sitting five feet in front of me. The entire time I was silently praying, "Oh Lord Jesus, if You love me, please do not let my water break in front of Joel Houston. Please don't let my water break in front of Joel Houston."

Not sure what category that experience falls under. Anyways.

This week I cleaned out all our closets, scrubbed down the whole apartment, and even went all Britney Spears on myself and chopped off eight inches of my hair. I needed last year off of my shoulders, I needed the stuff of yesterday chopped off, I needed the remains of last year cut away. And let me tell you, it feels good.

I've never been one to really make New Years resolutions. I've heard that you actually have a greater chance of fulfilling your resolutions if you don't tell people what they are. Who knows.

If I were to make resolutions, they would be very simple. Something like,

This year, I will be kinder to myself, to my body.

This year, I will choose to see the good: in every person, in every situation, in myself.

This year, I will take one. Day. At. A. Time.

This year, I will do more of the things I love, spend more time with the people I love.

This year, I will find Jesus afresh, in new ways, in new faces, in quiet moments.

This year, I will love my husband, and I will love my little guy: with homemade chocolate chip cookies and handmade scarfs and lots of snuggles.

I may not be able to quit eating Oreos or work out everyday or learn Italian this year. But these things, I can do these things. I can love. No matter what happens with J's job, or Avram's health, or where our friends move or how crazy family can be...this year, I can love. I can cut away the bad and make something beautiful with it.

2010, good-bye and good riddance.

2011, let's do it.

For your viewing pleasure, our 2010 video. Music courtesy of Mumford & Sons and Feist.

2010 from Cassie Beer on Vimeo.


Jason Beer said...

i love you babe.

I'm ready for a new year
and new adventures!

and i just love the videos you make

Katiekathrynann said...

I stumbled upon your blog through AshleyAnn's comment box. I was sitting at my desk this morning with tears running down my face (so glad nobody walked up to the window).
Avram's story is amazing!
It is full of HOPE and STRENGTH and LOVE.
My daughter Ella Grace is 7 months old. She has not had the obstacles Avram has, but and I can certinly identify fear when facing adversity, both as a person and a mother. I also know wanting to celebrate Her life everyday and the JOY she brings to my husband and I.
My heart is filled with love reading your family's story. I will pass it along to others.
Thank you!

Helen said...

oh Cassie thank you for sharing your story.. I've been reading a lot of blogs this week (ahem, time-wasting...) and some of them made me want things... like pretty dresses and to be more beautiful and skinnier... But yours made me want to love people, and Jesus, and myself better. Which I think is a much better thing to want than Miranda Kerr's legs. So thank you for being honest and real and beautiful and loving, and God bless <3