Thursday, March 10, 2011

{ jinxed }

I just need to keep my big mouth shut.

Less than a week after the Sun-Times article came out, Avram had his first seizure.

Two days after I mentioned that we were officially two months seizure free, Avram had his third seizure.

Yes, Avram had his third seizure this week. It was tiny, almost unnoticeable. If he hadn't been sitting in his high chair, I may not have even noticed it. Just after breakfast his right foot started twitching, and I had to administer the emergency seizure medicine since it continued for over five minutes. Then, he was happy and continued about his business. It was really, really strange: to have part of Ave's body just spazz out, then having to stick something up his rear to have it stop.

I'm frustrated. Frustrated because the medicine was supposed to keep this from happening, because we have never missed a dose. Frustrated because we were told what to do, we did it, and it didn't work. Frustrated because this probably means he'll be on medicine longer than expected.

This is not what is supposed to happen.

Obviously, I'm not being a very good Christian about all this today. I'm just a little peeved today. A little human and a little pissed off and a little disappointed. I want God to fix this, and I want Him to fix it now. I don't like this. One bit.

We're taking Avram to the Children's Hospital in a little bit just to make sure his shunt is ok. Hopefully we'll be home later this afternoon.

**Update: shunt is good. It was probably the emergency seizure medicine that made him super fussy again last night, but we're still keeping an eye on him. He's good. And after a little time in Psalms, mom is better, too. Still peeved & anxious, but better.


Angel said...

Laminin! Praying for you guys.

betsy said...

Oh honey, my heart breaks for you. It's ok to be mad. I have played many, many mind games with myself over the years. It's all part of our process.

Love you so much and think you are amazing. Seriously, amazing.

Praying for that sweet, sweet boy and your courageous heart.