Wednesday, March 23, 2011

{sitting, watching, waiting}

Well, here we are at the hospital again.

Tuesday morning I got up, happy that the little man had slept through the night after our recent battles with the evil Night Terrors. He was still quiet when I got up, so I made a quick phone call to my dad and mentioned that Avram was sleeping in late. As soon as I hung up the phone I started to worry, so I went in to check on him.

I walked in to find him covered in vomit, staring in to space.

I called 911.

He was responsive, but limp, and at my first-very-panicky-glance it looked like there was blood in his vomit. The firetruck and ambulance came screaming down our street, and before I knew it I was standing in my foyer, still dressed in pjs, crying, handing my baby over to three giant firemen.

I must have looked like a real nut job.

The paramedics checked out his throw-up and took Avram's vitals, meanwhile telling me to put some real clothes on and pack a diaper bag. They decided that his vitals were stable, the dark junk in his vomit was not blood, and that he was responsive, and told me that they would let J & I take him to the emergency room on our own if we wanted. J came home from work and we rushed him in to the children's hospital.

We spent the next nine hours in a closet-sized room in the ER while they took just about every possible fluid from Avram's poor body: blood, urine, snot, spinal fluid. After a CT scan and series of x-rays the neurosurgeon came in to tell us that Ave's shunt was fine, which was my biggest concern. Vomiting, fever, and irritability can be signs that his shunt is either malfunctioning or infected; which, if that was the case, he would have been rushed in to surgery. So, knowing that his shunt was ok made us feel a lot better.

Sort of.

He wasn't keeping anything down: milk, pedialyte...nothing. His fever stayed at 102 for most of the morning, and nothing would console him. He cried all day, refusing to sleep.

At 7:30pm the hospital admitted us and took us upstairs to our room. Avram took a bottle, promptly brought it back to the surface, and then drifted off to sleep.

J went back home for the night, since the hospital only allows one parent to sleep over. With the buddy sleeping soundly, I tried to settle in for the night. Unfortunately, I apparently do not weigh enough to keep the fold-out chairs in the bed position: each time I stretched out & snoozed off, the bed would snap back into chair form, like that old Donald Duck cartoon.

So far the doctors think he just has a bad virus: a really swollen throat, ear infection, that sort of thing. They have him on fluids, an antibiotic, and some Tylenol for his throat. Poor guy still can't bear to eat or drink anything. Thankfully, he's sleeping now.

I love Children's Memorial. I honestly do. The doctors are patient, always answer our questions thoroughly, and never make us feel like we're just another item on their to-do list. The nurses are helpful, kind, and check on us frequently. My only frustration has been Avram's discomfort. Since 2pm yesterday he has either been sleeping or crying: much more the latter than the former. He is inconsolable.

I have had a hard time being patient with the doctors when their only answer is to run more tests, to keep an eye on him. I want him to stop crying. I don't want him to be in pain. Give him something so he's not in pain, doc!  Do whatever you have to do to find out what's wrong, but let him get some rest already.

I am trying to be patient. I am trying to be Avram's best advocate while letting the doctors do their jobs. I am trying to remember that God is a builder and not a magician.

I want them to fix the symptoms, they want to find the source.

I want a temporary fix, but they want a permanent solution.

So we wait.

He is sleeping now, so we are sitting. Sitting, watching, waiting.


Gail said...

Oooh...Cassie, I'm SO sorry! I hope your little man gets some relief too! (and his poor tired parents get some shut eye!)

Betsy said...

Oh Cassie, bless you guys! My eyes are stinging with tears wishing I could be a magician myself. Sending peace and healing to you guys.

Love you so much and lifting you up in prayer.

Please take care of yourself.

PS THere is NO way you looked like an idiot standing in your PJs waiting for the firemen. You are an amazing woman.

julieleak said...


Your family here in Atlanta will be praying for you, Jason and Avram. Your strength is amazing! Miss you so, so much.

Anonymous said...

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You, Lord for sweet, sweet baby Avram. Lord, right now we are asking you to send down Your Mighty Angles to just hold him in their loving, caring arms in his time of pain. Lord, in this trying time, please send peace that passes all understanding to J and Cassie, their hearts are aching Lord for their baby. You Lord, above everyone know and understand what it's like to see your child bare so much, that we as parents can't take away. Lord, in the time of doubt and confusion, continue to strengthen Cassie and J faith in you Lord. You are the rock that we must hang on to.
Lastly Lord, we are looking for a miracle, we are looking for the impossible to be possible, YOU are healer of sick. Even with the smallest of faith YOU are able to do wonders. Lord, I just lift Cassie, J and baby Avram to you Lord, our Mighty, Mighty Father! Thank You for the wonderful blessings that you always pour out, may at these's trying times we remember them and find joy.

Chilly said...

You are so like Jesus... I admire you and love you. Our family is praying for little Avram -- you're never alone.

Courtney Ann said...

Wow. Cassie you amaze me. You're so strong. but oh goodness, i'm so glad God's so much stronger. I'm praying so much for you, Jason and Avram.
Love you a ton,
Courtney (or as i've been called, "little Cassie" though i don't think i can live up to that.)

oh and yes, i have heard the song Blue. It's great.

Shelby Maidment said...

Praying for you, Avram and Jason. God will protect you all!

Jenna said...

I stop here from time to time because I saw your wedding on Betsy's blog long ago. I have a little boy around Avram's age. Anyways, I've lifted you in prayer as I read this.

Paramita said...

Hi,I am addicted to ur blog:)
You,your little boy are in my prayers today.Things will be fine..this too shall pass!!

A.J. and Tristen said...


I got connected to you guys through our family that lives there in Chicago. I lived there for 8 years and worked at Children's Memorial on 3West (which I am sure you have spent time there) as a nurse for a few years. I currently work at another children's hosptial out in Denver, in Neurology.

We were sent to your blog, as our daughter had a fatal diagnosis and our family had read your triump over a fatal diagnosis and sent it to us to encourage us. Our daughter unfortunately did not win the fight and fatal won out. you can read more about us here-

anyway- just wanted to tell you I am praying for you all. as a neuro nurse i know how scary seizures can be and also the shunts. you are so brave and doing a great job advocating for Avram as his mommy. please feel free to email if you have any questions and i could help with as just another resource. hope you have a more peaceful week.

your sister in Christ- tristen